Somewhere over the funny farm
by Bunnyxgun
Summary: The allies form a boy band, America becomes a father...Somewhat connected nonsense. T for mild language and situations.
1. The Allies and the boyband

**I can imagine this, I really can. :3**

**No offence is intended to Twilight lovers. **

The Allies boy band

"So...........you're telling me we're bankrupt?" England looked desperately around the allies, hoping for confirmation this was just a late April fool's joke.

"The golden hamburger statue for the lobby finished off the funds, aru!"

"I wonder who ordered that now, da?"

"Not _moi, Angleterre?_"

"I didn't bloody buy it!! ........America?"

"................"

"_Merde_, we can't go on at this rate!"

"We can't keep fighting aru!"

"I blame America."

"So you idiot, what are you going to do now that you've bankrupted us?"

America paused, looking at the ground guiltily, before standing up dramatically, knocking his chair over.

"Men, we shall do what all attractive but seemingly talentless people do to get rich!"

"Act in Twilight?" England suggested, getting a round of off-screen "ooohs!"

"No, we're not that desperate, we'll start a boy band!"

All of them stared at the delusional madman in-front of them, and burst out in laughter at the way he was grinning at them. A boyband? Cracking jokes in the middle of a crisis.......

America looked at them with a raised eyebrow. Oh.......he can't mean he's serious?!

Shit, this won't go well.

Russia was the first one to get hold of himself, "That is very funny, America," putting his usual plastic smile on, "But you can't possibly be serious."

"And do you guys have any better ideas?"

The room went silent.

"Let's do a bake sale!" England suggested, "I can make some cakes!"

"On the other hand a boy band sounds like a wonderful idea!" France said quickly, getting an instant murmur of approval.

"All in favour of boyband?"

America, France, China and Russia all raised their hands.

England glared at them, "I hate you all."

"So, now what aru?"

"Well, as the hero I claim leader!"

"That's not fair, what about us? Do we get a say?" England frowned.

"We can talk about that later honey," America smiled, getting a blush from England. He picked up a board marker and started to write something down on the whiteboard, "Firstly we need to allocate our members."

America moved aside to show them what he'd written.

_The five key members of a boy band:_

_The Fat one_

_The Gay one_

_The Mummy's boy_

_The Bad boy_

_The hot boy_

"Please God, if you do exist, just kill me now," England groaned resting his head in his arms.

Ignoring this America continued, "Of course I would be the hot one!"

"Ha, you're more like a _petit _mummy's boy," France laughed, getting a nod from England.

"Stuff you. So, the fat one........? That's Russia then."

"Eh? But I-I'm not fat.....just big boned!" Russia's smile wavered for a minute.

"And the gay one," America carried on, "China."

"ARU?!" China glared at America, pulling a wok from seemingly nowhere, "What are you implying?!"

"No, no, I'm not implying anything, you just look the most girly that's all!!"

"I'M NOT GIRLY!!" China screamed, going for America. America, doing what all sane people would do when being chased by an angry girly Chinese man with a wok, hid behind England.

"NO!!"

"Hey wait, don't hit me!" England yelled, diving out the way of China's wok, whilst trying to pull America off his leg. America started running from China, knocking several things over, with England chasing after them.

"Another peaceful day, da?"

"_Oui._"

**Reviews are my anti-drug. You don't want be to become a crack-head, do you?!**


	2. What do we call ourselves?

Somewhere over the funny farm

After much pointless bickering, the allies finally came into agreement on the group positions (No, not THAT type of position) and started a new fight over the band name.

"The hero's is a great name!" America whined, disregarding all the suggestions around him.

"No no no! I say the red whirlwinds!" France argued back.

"It doesn't matter. Either way you'll all become one with Russia, da?"

"Don't look at me while you say that, aru!" China nudged away from Russia and his aura as they went into stalker mode.

"Then what about _l'amour triomphe toujours_?"

"That name's too long," America said, "But the hero's is short and catchy!"

"But it's french! Everything sounds sexier in french!"

"What's hamburger in french?"

England drummed his fingers on the table, getting irritated, "Look, we're getting nowhere with this. The idea is stupid enough as it is, we don't need a stupid name as well. Choose something simple, like....um...the......the allies."

"That's a dumb name! Mine's so much better!" America frowned, putting his hands on his hips and pouting, "What's it going to be? The Hero's or The Allies?"

"The Allies," Everyone said in agreement, opting for the lesser of the two stupids.

"You know what? You all suck. I QUIT!" America stomped out the door, nearly knocking over Canada (who'd been standing there patiently for his turn) and slamming the door shut behind him.

"I didn't realize he was old enough to have tantrums anymore."

**I didn't like the first chapter so I deleted it. Do you think I should get a BETA for this story? **


	3. Like a bad soap drama

**Somewhere over the funny farm**

**Chapter 3 **

**Like a bad soap drama**

Previously on Hetalia:

"I'm sorry Lovino, the wound was too deep. Antonio's dead," The doctor in the lab coat told the hysterical Italian in the waiting room, sobbing his heart out as dramatic background music played.

Meanwhile:

"Arthur! You can't leave me! What does that French bastard have that I don't! I love you!" Alfred cried in anguish as Arthur and Francis rode happily in a bright sunset, laughing and skipping merrily (I thought they were riding something?)

"Don't cry Alfred! I love you! It was I who saved you from that fire 10 years ago!" Gilbert stood over him, radiating sparkles of awesomeness, "Come! Let us frolic in the waves!"

"Oh Gilbert! Yes, let us do just that!"

"No! I thought you loved me Gilbert! You lied to me!" Matthew wept, clutching freshly made pancakes to his chest as they ran in slow motion towards the sea.

Somewhere else:

"Hand over the money and no-one gets hurt!" Yao said, waving a gun at the bank guards heads (Why is he in a bank?)

Again somewhere else:

"Oh Yong Soo! I never knew you were in love with me! Let us kiss romantically with a big close up!" Mei (*Taiwan) swooned, puckering up for a big kiss scene.

Just then the door slammed open, and a furious Kiku stormed in, "HE'S MINE!"

Kaoru (*Hong Kong) ran in after Kiku, screaming, "BACK OFF BITCH! HE BELONGS TO ME!"

Mei and Im Yong Soo looked dumfounded at their guests, before Kaoru and Kiku floored Mei.

It's somewhere else ok? :

"I'm sorry; it was me who shot Antonio!" Belarus cried, falling to her knees in tears, "Forgive me!"

KOLKOLKOLKOLKOL:

"Lovi!~ I'm alive!" Antonio skipped cheerfully, knocked over by Romano as he ran and jumped into his embrace (...aw).

"I saw your body though! How are you alive!"

"It was my evil clone who was shot in an elaborate but failed plot to assassinate the president of Toys R Us and destroy the moon while wearing cat ears!"

Kesesesesesese! ~ :

"Berwald, I'm pregnant...and Mathias is the farther!" Tino cried as Berwald went to get a hammer to go kill Mathias.

Meanwhile (Is is over yet?):

"Ivan! Come quick! It's Natalia, she's been murdered!" Katyusha screamed in horror as it cut off to an action shot.

What will happen next? Will Matthew ever find happiness? Will Berwald kill Mathias? What happened to Natalia? Why did Antonio's not-existent clone get shot? Why is this chapter so crap? Find out next time, on Hetalia.

**A break from the boyband thing. This story sucks doesn't it?**


	4. Hetamon!

**This chapter is late because I was on holiday for a few weeks, then I was lazy for a while. So yeah...Tell me whether this chapter sucks or not. **

S O M E W H E R E O V E R T H E F U N N Y F A R M

"Ivan! I can't allow you to get away with this!" Alfred growled through gritted teeth, fists clenched tightly.

Ivan laughed, as the earth shook beneath them, "If you want to stop it so badly, beat me!" He drew out his hetaball (Which are _totally _not a rip off of pokeballs or anything) and launched it at the ground, "Go! Ravais!"

The small blonde haired nation popped out of a hetaball in a flash of light, looking around nervously.

"Whoa, never seen one of them before!" Alfred whipped out his hetadex (Which, again, is _really_ not a rip off of a pokedex) and scanned the boy.

_Ravais: A rare Moe type hetamon found in the grasslands of Hetalia. Timed creatures, approach quietly. _

"A rare Hetamon!"

"Yes...Oh Gilbert! Come here a minute!" Ivan called out to the silver haired man behind him. He slouched over, frowning at his boss as he came.

"What?"

Ivan pointed in Alfred's direction and giggled, "Let's pummel him!"

America gasped in horror, "No! Gilbert! I thought we were friends! What happened to you! How could you join him when he's..."

Gilbert cut him off sharply, "We were never friends! You held back my awesomeness when I could've become the Hetamon champ! I had to join...for my kidnapped brother's sake!" He shouted, throwing a hetaball out of nowhere, "I'll defeat you with the same Hetamon I beat you with when we were kids! GO! GILBIRD!"

"Pyio!" The small yellow chick peeped, flying out to the field.

Alfred gasped (what's with all the gasping?), his jaw hanging open, "Gilbird?"

"Yes, that's right!"The silver haired man chuckled, "Gilbird! Use awesome beam!"

Oh noes! Not awesome beam! That was one of the strongest moves in the Hetaverse! Just when it looked like Alfred was about to be completely destroyed, there was a blinding white flash of light. They all had to look away, and then they heard the cries of "Not so fast! That's totally not fabulous!"

"Feliks?" Was the first person who came to mind when those words were uttered, and sure enough when the light faded the Polish cross-dresser was standing there in all his fabulous glory.

"Ivan! Today is the day when you will like totally give me back my Toris!" He pouted, swishing his hair, "The power of my fabulousness and blond hair will triumph over evil!"

Gilbert looked in confusion as to what the hell was going on, but received a blank stare from Ivan. Shrugging, he pointed his finger dramatically at Feliks, creating some speed lines, "If you stand in our way, we'll beat you too!"

"Not a problem!" He laughed, drawing some Hetaballs from his (totally pretty bag that sparkled!) and smiling at Alfred.

"The power of our blondness like draws us together! Let's do it!"

Alfred too was confused. He didn't exactly plan on meeting any blond Polish cross-dressers that sparkled today. But what the heck! Another ally!

"Ok! I choose you, Arthur!" He said, grinning as his best hetamon took to the field, "I'm ready!"

Feliks threw his Hetaball into the air, "I Choose you! Romano!"

"Wait, I thought that was Antonio's Hetamon?"

"It is, I'm just, like, borrowing him. Now for the Tsundere tag team!" Feliks and Alfred pulled a cheesy pose as the background sparkled around them.

Ivan and Gilbert looked at each other for a moment, then Ivan shouted, "Use Moe beam!" as Gilbert shouted "Awesome Beam!"

The two beams of pure weird met in mid air, twisting around each other to form one super moe awesome death beam heading straight towards the good guys.

"It's too fast for us to dodge it! We're totally finished! I never got to see Toris in a skirt!" Feliks cried as the sparkles vanished.

Being the hero, Alfred started into the middle ground while the beam continued on forever. "No, Feliks. We're not done yet."

Feliks looked at him, "What?"

"Don't you see? Anime logic means we have enough time to prepare before it hits us, even though we should be crushed by now! See!"

"Oh yeah. We can still give it all we've got!"

Cue another cheesy pose. "With our teamwork we can beat anything!"

Both blondes pointed and shouted out at the same time "Ultimate Tsundere attack!"

Ivan looked horror struck and stepped back, "That's impossible, it's...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The screen went white as the attacks collided, leaving the fate of our hero's unknown.

Long story cut short, the power of two Tsundere's combined and some maid outfits Feliks had conveniently brought with him, the day was saved by a hero and a cross-dresser. Again. Because it's happened before, don't deny it.

**Press that button below and review please! I want your criticism and praise! **


	5. I am your farther

**It's been what, a year since I posted anything. Omfg, life. But on the bright side, new part of allies boyband is almost done, and it's the summer holidays now so maybe I'll have time to write new things. **

**Anyway this is just a short. **

**Hetalia does not belong to me, it belong to my hero, Hidekaz Himaruya.**

Any normal person would go to the police if a squishy white blob with glasses fell out of the sky and into their back garden.

Alfred was not a normal person.

Holding it out at arm's length, he wondered what the hell it was.

It was weird. It had glasses, just like his! And blue eyes, just like his! It even had an ahoge, just like his! It must mean….

"I'm a daddy!"

The blob kept smiling and wobbling about.

Alfred was awestruck. A farther? Him? He's never imagined it!

"Give me a burger."

His first words! A surge of pride rushed through Alfred. From now on he was going to have a new sense of responsibility. He, Alfred , was going to be the best Dad in the whole world!

"Son," the blob looked up at a beaming face, "I shall call you Steven."

"Crazy baby."

Alfred chuckled, amazed at the bond they had already, "Let's see if the old fart has some baby things we can take."

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**Reviews are good. **


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